The Most Accurate Apple iPhone Review To Date From Maddox
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face.
By Maddox
No, I'm not going to get an iPhone, quit emailing me about it. I'm not getting one because I already have a phone that's better: it's called the Nokia E70, it's the pinnacle of human achievement, and I love it more than my family:
You've probably never heard of the E70 because Nokia's marketing team is busy finding every last dick in the universe to suck, so I'm going to do their job for them and tell you about this product. And no, I'm not being paid to do this. I'm just tired of the iPhone fanboys shooting huge sticky wads and high-fiving each other (literally) over their stupid cellphones.
First of all, the E70 has a full keyboard, not some shitty stripped down, tap-and-pray smudgy piece of shit. Nokia uses a technology that's even more advanced than the iPhone's tap screen, allowing you to actually feel the keys you press as you're pressing them! The technology is called "tactile response," and it allows you to do things like dial a phone number without staring at your screen like a shit-chucking ape. In fact, every other cellphone ever made has this technology, sometimes called "buttons."
People act like the iPhone's touch keyboard is so innovative, but ATMs have been annoying us with unresponsive, smudged, shitty touch screens for years before Apple.
This keyboard will not only stomp your colon, but the colons of distant relatives of the human species such as lagomorphs, and hypothetical colons of children you haven't even had yet. Want to type a backslash? No problem. Ampersand? You bet your ass. On an iPhone, you have to press an additional button that opens up an alternate keypad that will allow you to type numbers and punctuation. So typing something as simple as elipses (…) requires you to tap your finger 9 times. Enjoy your phone, losers! People like me who have shit to do will stick to a keyboard that doesn't have its lips wrapped firmly to the user-interface equivalent of a throbbing dong:
When the iPhone was first announced, CEO Steve Jobs spewed enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit, which sounds cool because he could have potentially murdered a football field full of babies, but he passed on this opportunity by introducing the phone instead. He claimed that the phone was three devices in one: an iPod, a phone, and an "Internet communications device." Oooh, an Internet communications device?! AWESOME!
(10 rating, 2 votes)
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Latest 100% Firefox Bug (Seen on Digg and Fatwallet) Caused By ImageZoom Extension
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
About a week ago, I started seeing really weird behavior on digg and fatwallet, among other sites. For instance, while viewing any digg article, the CPU goes to 100% and Firefox becomes unresponsive - it even pops up the "Script not responding" message similar to:
My digg viewing experience has plunged and I even resorted to using (gasp, how dares he!) Internet Exploder. It was even weirder at Fatwallet (wtf!?):
By then, I've had enough. I started disabling countless Firefox extensions (now called add-ons for some moronic marketing reason), and long behold - both Digg and Fatwallet are just fine after disabling ImageZoom. Who would have thought… apparently it has some horrible memory leaks. Checking ImageZoom's forum seems to confirm that others have the same problem (current version is 0.3). Anybody else with these symptoms?
Edit: I just noticed that the extension does something completely random at every page. Some have a global zoom at 75%, some at 90%, some at Autofit. I'm getting rid of this crap. Here's an example:
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